CLOSING OF A CHAPTER, OPENING OF A NEW BOOK

So here goes nothing!  I've been thinking about this a lot, and I have not been sure of when or how to even start!  So much has happened in this last year, that I seriously can't get anything in order.  If you are reading this, you know me, so I don't need to say that I am truly blessed by the best wife in the world and three wonderful children that bring a smile to my face just by being there.  They don't have to do anything, (although I must say at times I smile the most when they are sleeping if you catch my drift) but it's just awesome to be a part of their lives!  The main purpose of this blog is going to be to keep me accountable for what is going to be a very tough, challenging, journey for me!  I'm beginning a weight loss journey today, and I won't stop until I reach my goal weight!  I WILL do this, and when I make my mind up on something, it more than likely gets done, so I know that today is the beginning of the rest of my life and there will be no turning back!

But since this is my very first blog ever, I wanted to let everyone that reads this just a little bit further into my life, I'm generally a REALLY tough guy to get to know, and when I was younger, I set certain goals in my mind as to what I wanted to be when I grew up, (and I mean as a person, not as a profession) so what you generally see, is truly what you get.  I've always wanted to be the best person I could be, and to leave behind a legacy of "that truly is a nice guy".  I have and always will shake your hand, have a smile on my face, and treat you with respect!  If I ever fail at this, please do let me know, whether it was to you or you witnessed otherwise, I assure you now beforehand that I would never do this on purpose, and truly want someone to tell me if I step outside of my own boundaries!  I say a lot of this to get to one very important aspect of my life, my father!

I grew up with a dad that always had time for me, my brother, and one very special friend.  When I was a kid, my best friend's parents got a divorce, and most people say divorce is a horrible thing, and I agree it truly is, but what this divorce did for me was brought me so close to my friend that I truly have considered him a brother.  Now I'm not the type that gets close to a friend and walks around introducing friends as brothers or sisters, or my second mom, I'm just not into that, and to this day, I will introduce this friend as just that, a friend, but in my heart, we are so close, I truly consider him like a brother.  He was at my house most days, from early in the morning, to overnight, to even all summer sometimes due to baseball!  His father worked out of town most times, and so he was always with me as a place to stay and a way to get to where we needed to go.  I'm getting off topic, but my dad welcomed him into our home as a guest and basically a resident.  He treated him just like one of us, and I say all of this to prove really just one point.  My dad had a very kind heart!  If you met him, you probably know that he was truly just a joy to be around.

One thing that was very important to dad these last 11 years were his grandkids.  You truly could not have asked for a better man to be the grandfather of your kids.  We had Dakota for 6 years before we had Layton, and the thought between me and my dad was that we can't have girls, it's just not physically possible for me to be the father of a little baby girl.  Then 4 years after Layton, Sarah and I were blessed with Teagan, and even though it was physically impossible for me to have a girl, we had one, Sarah carried her 9 months, and dad held her the following year in a half!  I swear that man would not put her down.  Dad truly loved these kids, and it was an honor to give them to him.  All of their lives are better for it!  There are experiences that Dakota had that he will never be able to forget, and hopefully Layton too, but it breaks my heart that Teagan will probably never remember the man that loved her more than anything in this world!  My dad was so very proud of her, and even though she might not remember him, I assure you that he had one of the best years of his life because of her, and I'm very happy that I was a part in giving that to him.

Well in May of this year, my father was diagnosed with Lung Cancer.  He had kind of gone down hill in the last year, but you are never ready to hear this news, and I'm an optimist, while my mom and brother are both going crazy thinking this is probably what it was, and in the back of my mind I figured it could be, I always said this is just another bump in the road and it won't be cancer.  Well I had been seeing commercials for Cancer Treatment Centers of America off and on, and knew there was one in Tulsa, so the minute dad told me the news, I had a conference call setup within minutes.  I was not going to go down, or let dad go down, without a fight.  I said I'm an optimist, not an idiot, so I knew the steps I was going to take if this was the news that was delivered.  His insurance was approved within an hour and we had an on-site visit set up the next day.  Dad began seeing doctors the following week, and all was in place to beat this horrible disease.  Walking around that place, you see people with no hair, really skinny, malnourished looking people, then you see my dad, my dad was none of these things, at least on the outside, of course he was always bald, but that's just because God wanted him to shine while others had hair to cover it up!  Anyway, I remember the last day dad spent outside of the hospital, it was like any other day, it was really hot, and Dakota had his first scrimmage, and dad wanted so bad to go, but it was in the middle of the afternoon, and dad knew he couldn't handle being in the heat that day, and the following week was going to be at night, so he just knew he could wait a week to watch Dakota take the field, something dad ALWAYS looked forward to doing, so he didn't go.  Of course, over the next few hours, phones were blowing up because dad wanted his updates.  That night, mom and dad kept the kids, while me and Sarah went out, I was scheduled to go out of town for work the next day, so they were kind enough to give us a date night before I left.  When we went to pick up the kids, I was told that dad had a pretty bad episode, and to keep the phone turned on, and mom ended up having to take dad to the emergency room at CTCA that night.  They admitted him, with pneumonia, on August 22nd.  I get back in town on August 24th, and spend the next 14 days by my dads side in the hospital!  The last time my dad spoke to me was August 26th, the day we put him on the ventilator.  Me and him had a conversation that no one knows about, I was the last one in the room with him, mom and CW had said their "temporary" goodbyes, because for all we knew, he would come off the vent, it was just a temporary fix to help ease his breathing.  I am going to take the time to share a little piece of that conversation with you today, in hopes that it will help me finally begin a process that has just been a blur the last month and a half.  Before I started, I was just staring out the window looking at Highway 169, and I remember seeing images of cars going by, but my mind was wandering so fast, I couldn't tell what they were.  I finally took a deep breath and turned around, and saw my dad crying looking at me, (I had no idea this was going to be this hard to type) I walked up to him and grabbed his hand and broke down, something I was able to stop until this moment, I said I just want to say thank you, and he looked at me and said for what, and I said for teaching me how to be the best dad I can be, and still be a friend that my kids can come to no matter what.  He said I didn't have anything to do with that, and I said don't be humble right now dad, you have taught me everything that there is about me, and I have turned out like I have because of you.  He just squeezed my hand, and said I will be ok.  Deep in my heart, I figured as I walked out of that room, he must have been scared to death to be in there alone as I'm walking out, and before the dr's walked in, but looking at him, you would have never known it.  Now over the next 12 days while he was on the vent, I talked to him several more times, but that day was the last day I heard his voice.  Each time I told him I loved him, he would shake his head, so I know he heard me, and that helps me breathe a little easier, knowing that not only did he hear me, but he also was able to hear the kids when they gave him their last kiss and goodbyes!  They don't quite understand it and didn't know it at the time, but I am grateful that they were able to have those one last goodbyes!

Wow, I had absolutely no intention of writing that long, but once I started, it just didn't stop.  Thank you for reading, there will be more, I don't know how often, but I will post another one in a bit in regards to the beginning of my weigt loss!